Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
