Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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