God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
