I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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