There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
