TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i love accidental penises.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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