Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I looked at my own cervix.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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