somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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