....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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