Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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