Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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