Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
