Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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