OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
