So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
