the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
