I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm passing your future prison.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
