If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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