Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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