I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
