Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We talked him into tasing himself.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
