You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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