We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize