Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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