Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
