I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
