I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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