remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
