Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
