Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
