I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....