He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
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i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.