I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.