I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Small penises have feelings too.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize