Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.

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  (540): you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level. http://tfl.nu/ek4x
  Replies (2) Good night (1680) Bad night (528)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

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  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (5003) Bad night (805)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.

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  (402): she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home. http://tfl.nu/joow
  Replies (48) Good night (693) Bad night (2110)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.

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  (817): Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have. http://tfl.nu/2nqb
  Replies (23) Good night (716) Bad night (4651)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.

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  (615): i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time. http://tfl.nu/0k6p
  Replies (12) Good night (3774) Bad night (641)
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  (209): View more from California

  You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.

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  (209): You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him. http://tfl.nu/xni0
  Replies (15) Good night (4070) Bad night (1477)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i can recognize that vagina from a mile away

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  (847): i can recognize that vagina from a mile away http://tfl.nu/64kp
  Replies (15) Good night (2073) Bad night (1660)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle

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  (919): my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle http://tfl.nu/ki3d
  Replies (3) Good night (951) Bad night (2679)
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  (707): View more from California

  do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me

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  (707): do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me http://tfl.nu/4f25
  Replies (15) Good night (1914) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.

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  (303): Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win. http://tfl.nu/txmv
  Replies (7) Good night (1450) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

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  (+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud
  Replies (10) Good night (1563) Bad night (858)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.

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  (801): He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me. http://tfl.nu/il2t
  Replies (8) Good night (2339) Bad night (642)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.

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  (717): I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country. http://tfl.nu/ua5o
  Replies (4) Good night (1543) Bad night (363)
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  (909): View more from California

  I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"

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  (909): I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!" http://tfl.nu/ixne
  Replies (6) Good night (1103) Bad night (334)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"

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  (516): Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?" http://tfl.nu/n5f6
  Replies (1) Good night (270) Bad night (103)

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