This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.