Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties