We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
