Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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