Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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