I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
