you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
