What a fucking waste of an outfit
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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