you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
