I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
