..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
