i permit you to call me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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