i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
