i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
