Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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