There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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