Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
