Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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