I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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