You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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