haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
