so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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