So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
