I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
