Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
