Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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