Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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