Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
