I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
