I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
