Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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