that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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