I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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