omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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