Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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