I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
