hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
