please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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