Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
