hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
