And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize