none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
