I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
