Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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